Conflict styles: how people handle disagreement
Conflict style describes the pattern you fall into when interests clash — at home or at work. The widely used Thomas-Kilmann model (1974) names five approaches — competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating — built on two underlying dimensions: how assertively you pursue your own goals, and how cooperatively you attend to the other person’s. None is "right"; each fits some situations and backfires in others. The Thomas-Kilmann instrument is proprietary; Diahu’s original check does not reproduce its items, five-mode result, scoring, or norms, and instead examines six observable steps from issue clarity through repair follow-through.
What are the five conflict styles?
Competing (high assertiveness, low cooperation), collaborating (high on both), compromising (moderate on both), avoiding (low on both), and accommodating (low assertiveness, high cooperation). Each strikes a different balance between concern for your own goals and concern for the relationship.
Is one conflict style better than the others?
No single style wins everywhere — collaboration suits high-stakes issues, avoiding can defuse a heated moment, and accommodating preserves a minor relationship. The skill is matching the style to the situation rather than always using your default.
How do I use my conflict style?
Notice which style you reach for under stress, then ask whether the situation actually calls for it. Naming the pattern makes it easier to switch deliberately when it is not serving you.
Sources
- Thomas, K. W., & Kilmann, R. H. (1974). Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI).
These guides are for self-reflection and entertainment — not medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or fortune-telling.